Asunder Chapter 38

Chapter 8.2 (38)

Earlier Life

Finality

“The weight that tips the scale in the balance of good and evil is, in fact, divine. At times, the lion must devour the lamb. For if it did not, it would not be a ‘lion.’ As such, the Aeon is but a lion among the lambs. Its power is beyond understanding, as it may be wielded, but only by the pure in heart and the humble in spirit.” - 2 Salayah 29:23-25, Book of Remembrance

- 6 months earlier -

- The year 2296 -

Jane missed Ishmael’s sweet voice, Nivi’s warm hug, and Abraham’s robust laugh. They were the last of her family taken from her. Though she had a new family now in Elijah, she still missed the others dearly. Because the machines took away all of those she loved, she feared the same fate would fall upon Elijah someday. She was cursed. Everyone she loved seemed torn from her heart. Everyone she ever cared for continually lost to nothingness. The dream Elijah brought her into months before helped mend much of the heartache and sorrow that came with the passing of Ishmael and Nivi, but even with this, she seemed to have only more questions that needed answers.

Why did she see only one of her sisters in the dream? Was her other sister still alive? Was Abraham not in the dream because he was still alive and the machines just transferred him to a new facility to work the mines, or had they finally determined he was too much of a hassle and finished him off like they did the rest of her family? Where were her parents in the dream? Why had they not come? She knew her mother had passed on, but did her father as well? Much of the dream had not made sense, but it still comforted her to some extent.

Her father’s face suddenly flashed before Jane’s mind—his sweet smile and tears as he looked down at her while lifting her over the fence to her mother. His large hand resting on the nape of her neck as she peered out the window toward the horizon that morning still echoed through her mind. She looked down at her own hands. They appeared red and raw. The detergent they used to clean the dishes corroded her skin, soaking up every drop of oil from her hands—leaving them cracked and chaffed. She attempted to moisturize them with the vegetable oil from the food preparation, but this only did so much. She thought of her childhood doing the dishes with her mother in the cabin sink, overlooking the mountain range before them, and listening to music on the ancient tape player. Afterward, her mother would rub a mixture of beeswax, lard, goat milk, and lavender into her hands as they sang together. She wished she could hear her mother’s voice one last time.

Jane glanced at Anja, and the woman appeared caught up in her thoughts. The older woman took on the new motherly role. With Nivi gone, Jane needed someone to lean on for advice, and Anja was not short in dishing it out. Living with Elijah had been wonderful, everything she ever dreamed of in marriage, but it still brought its intricacies. She and Elijah occasionally argued, and Anja became a resourceful sounding ear for this. Having been married for twenty years but lost her husband, Anja gave thoughtful advice. It was not guidance wrapped up in the need for rectification but advice teetering into the realm of absolution and considering the fragility of life and its relationships. It was often hard to swallow, but Jane found Anja’s advice eased the tension between herself and Elijah much quicker than when Jane sought justice in an argument.

Anja would say, “It’s better to be happy than it is to be right.” Even with this, Jane and Elijah rarely quarreled. What they did argue about remained minuscule compared to the atrocities they both had faced throughout their lives. Elijah was a good man who quickly forgave. The tension currently between her and Elijah spurred from their working toward having a baby and the stresses that came along with the endeavor. Humans were not allowed to bear children unless consented by the machines, and even then, it was rare for parents to raise the child. So when Jane opted toward this option, even understanding the risks, it was difficult for Elijah to bear the thought of giving up his child to the machines. Even with the finalization of the decision, the actual feat of becoming pregnant was more complicated than they had foreseen. She had gone through multiple cycles without a pregnancy now, and her last one ended in a miscarriage. Elijah argued that God was giving them their answer, but Jane felt a child was waiting for them.

“How’s the baby-making coming along?” Anja spoke up as though she could read Jane’s mind.

“It’s coming,” Jane shrugged.

“Still none yet, ay? Like I said before, you should have just finished the sterilization. No need to worry about makin’ a baby who’s just gonna get taken away from ya the second it’s born.” She scrubbed hard at the dishes as she spoke, sweat dripping down her dirty face.

Many non-Seer humans opted for gametal sterilization—a series of injections. Seers were not allowed to undergo sterilization as their genes were essentially like gold to the machines. Therefore, before their marriage, the machines offered the sterilization process to Jane, but she refused as she understood the beauty of raising children, having been freeborn. The Surgeon Machine explained the process in detail—details she didn’t quite understand. She could almost still hear the digital voice.

“Viral vectors carry reverse RNA into your body and integrate this into your human reproductive cells. In so doing, this irreversibly stops human gamete cell formation.”

Bringing her mind back to the brash comment blurted out by Anja, Jane replied with an irritated tone, “Anja, you don’t have to be so cold about it.”

“Oh, darlin’! I didn’t mean anything by it. Come here. I’m sorry, dear,” she reached over to Jane with soapy hands, squeezed her shoulders together, and kissed Jane’s cheek.

“Can ya find it in yer heart to forgive me?” She batted her eyelids and spoke in a dramatic voice with puckered lips.

Anja was somehow capable of apologizing in a way that made one forget why they were ever mad in the first place. Jane rolled her eyes and flicked soap suds at the woman.

“Elijah is just gone so much, it makes it so hard,” Jane said.

“Oh, like it’s his fault, darlin’! The boy can’t help that he either has to work the mines or suffer torture and starvation,” she raised her eyebrows.

“Well, when you put it that way,” Jane laughed.

Jane looked down at the soapy water, and suddenly, an overwhelming sense of nausea struck her. She leaned over the sink, trying to hold back the acrid taste of acid. Food particles floated within its murkiness. The odor of the wash basin struck her senses, and Jane experienced an overwhelming need to vomit. Then, as the images and smells dominated her cognition, she felt herself emptying the contents of her stomach into the gray pool of suds.

“Are you alright, dear?” Anja rubbed her back, pulling Jane’s hair into a knot to prevent it from getting vomit juice stuck in it.

Jane lifted herself from nearly submerging her whole head into the water-filled basin.

“I don’t know what’s going on. I just suddenly feel so sick.” She stepped backward until she bumped into the island countertop behind her and slinked down to the floor, overcome with queasiness.

“You just rest there, darlin’. I’ll get the rest of the dishes done. No one will know you are sick. We don’t want the bosses findin’ out. Here, take this.”

Anja grabbed some peppermint flavoring from the cupboard and some other ingredients and mixed them into warm water. She handed the cup to Jane, who sniffed the concoction. The smell eased her stomach some, and Jane took a few sips, bobbing her head back and forth in agony from the sickness.

The rest of the day, Jane remained in the kitchen but rolled up in the fetal position as every smell wafting across her nose made her nearly restart the process of expelling the contents of her insides. After a fair amount of help from Anja, Jane eventually returned to her living quarters, where she immediately lay in bed. When Elijah walked through the door, he suddenly dropped everything, startled by the condition he found his wife in, and rushed to her side. After consoling her, he found a variety of leftover herbs Nivi had smuggled in, which ended up helping quite a bit with the nausea.

The next few days, Jane trudged along, working through the motions, overcome by a continued feeling of sickness. There were rare moments of normality interspersed throughout the day, but otherwise, she continued to feel like someone twisted her stomach in knots. She was afraid of the machines finding out she was sick, as they would instead lock her in quarantine for two weeks, coldly tending to her with monitors and medicines rather than the warmth of teas and smiles. Elijah did what he could to help care for her, but he had to leave early and come home late, making it difficult.

By the seventh day of her sickness, Anja became suspicious.

“How you feelin’ this mornin’ lass?”

“The same, Anja, it just won’t go away,” Jane weakly replied as she sat on the countertop watching Anja prepare the evening’s meal.

“Well, girl, I think ya better be thinkin' it’s no sickness,” Anja replied accusingly.

“What do you mean?” Jane replied, still too nauseous to be fully involved in the conversation.

“I’m meanin', I might know a lass who’s been tryin’ to make a baby, and maybe this baby is just what’s makin’ her sick now!”

Jane perked up at the last bit. “You don’t think…”

Jane began counting on her fingertips, “but it’s not the right timing…”

“I’m just sayin’. I don’t know anyone who can be goin’ on so sick with no one else gettin' it around ‘em.” She pointed the spatula at Jane when she spoke.

“You got a tester at home, don’t ya?” Anja questioned.

Suddenly, the nausea seemed manageable. With this newfound assumption, Jane felt she had the energy to run to her quarters. She jumped down from the countertop and grabbed Anja by the shoulders. A smile stretched from ear to ear as Jane spoke. “Anja, I’ll be right back, I swear,” she waited in anticipation for a response.

“Well, it’s not like ya been much help sittin’ up there on the countertop anyway, don’t ya think? Now go on,” she nodded her head for Jane to hurry.

Jane ran as fast as her legs could carry her. The nausea pitted square in her stomach, but with the excitement, she barely noticed it. She burst into her room and rifled through the pile of junk next to the bed. There it was, the pregnancy tester. She quickly uncapped the lid and placed a new needle into the cartridge. Snapping it shut, she slammed it into her leg. The test would take ten minutes to produce the results. She paced the room, clutching the device in her hands. What if Anja was right? She thought excitedly. All the scenarios played through her head. Especially how she and Elijah would need to escape before the baby was born to raise the baby properly. They had talked about it deep into the night numerous times. They even began preparations by making grab bags soon after the marriage ceremony.

Jane couldn’t wait to show Elijah her home in the valley, to see him in the middle of the day, in the sunshine, taking in their freedom, and with a newborn baby to boot. Her thoughts were suddenly interrupted by heavy footsteps running down the hall outside the living quarters. A man burst into her room. The man’s deep blue eyes widened as he panted heavily. Paul had been one of Elijah’s closest friends and worked the mines with her husband. What was he doing here in the middle of the day? She thought, bewildered by the sudden entrance.

“Jane!” He could barely speak, winded by the run. “Anja told me… you were… here.”

“What is it, Paul?” Jane stood in place, heart pounding with the sudden onset of anxiety.

“It’s Elijah… there was an accident.”

With these words, Jane’s stomach dropped, and all the nausea she had dampened down within her rose to her throat again.

§

Jane rushed behind Paul to the accident site. The machines actively and aggressively dug to remove the boulders blocking the tunnel’s path. Lasers sprayed the massive boulders, splitting them into smaller pieces to more easily remove them from the pile. A mess of massive rocks lay strewn across the ground as a group of men covered in black grime scrambled to help the machines uncover the collapse. Others stood about, watching intently.

“Where’s Elijah? Where is my husband?” She ran at the machines, yelling. One of the machines turned around and, flashing a red warning signal from his palm, stopped her. Paul grabbed Jane by the arm to keep her from hurting herself as well.

“Back up, human.” It said in a deep digital tone.

This voice silenced Jane, and she submitted, falling in line with the others. At this point, Jane’s arrival had caught the attention of Abrash, who started yelling over the sound of the machines cutting rock.

“Get her out of here! Paul, why did you bring her here? I told you to tell her! Not bring her!”

Paul sheepishly stood as Jane marched toward Abrash, who was now starting to cower. Tears streamed down her face. " Where is my husband?!” She grabbed his collar and shook him. “Where is Elijah?!”

“Jane, it… it just happened… they had him go further than the others. He said he could see something in the distance, and the machines… they did it, Jane… they made him go. It all happened so fast… they started digging the rocks, and then it suddenly all dropped.”

Jane pounded on Abrash’s chest, sobbing, “No, no, you can’t leave me too.”

At this moment, a large boulder fell forward as one of the machines blasted through the rock with its heat ray. An arm jutted out through a crack between the split boulder. The hand hung flaccid, bearing the unmistakable yellow and red of Elijah’s gloves. The machine released another boulder, and soon, they extracted Elijah’s body from the rocks. A handful of men rushed forward and lifted small boulders away. Abrash ran over to the body, leaving Jane sobbing to herself. The human doctor arrived panting and headed straight to Elijah. Jane held her mouth, tears streaming down her face. She slowly walked over as the doctor attached his leads and sensors. The entire collection of miners and machines waited silently in anticipation. After a brief moment, the device beeped and clicked, and a hopeful noise emitted from its speaker—a slow and weak thumping.

“There’s a heartbeat!” The doctor exclaimed, but the excitement shifted to apprehension. “But the read says his blood pressure is bottoming out. We need to get this man to the med bay. I need a stretcher!” he called out.

Jane approached the group of men. Many, realizing who she was, parted to let her in. Arriving at the body of her husband, the doctor looked up.

“Oh, Jane, I’m so sorry, dear. We still might be able to save him.” The doctor looked at Jane for a moment longer and then called out again into the crowd, “I said I need a stretcher!”

Kneeling, Jane grabbed Elijah’s bloodied hand, glove now removed. She bent forward and kissed his forehead, her tears washing away the blood from his face.

“Oh, Eli, why did you have to go and do this?” She quietly sobbed. “I love you, baby. I will always love you.”

The world stood silent around the married couple. As the final words of love escaped Jane’s lips, she felt a slight squeeze from Elijah’s hand, confirming he heard. Following this moment of assurance, the sudden and haunting sound of a flat line’s monotonous and continuous tone rang out, and the world around Jane suddenly became a blur as her psyche registered the noise. Elijah’s hand dropped limp within hers, indicating the end.

The doctor's yelling and administration of medications rang silently in her ears. Her mind became numb as Abrash and Paul pulled her away from her husband’s body. The commotion all around happened in slow motion as furious thoughts of anger and sadness welled within her. How could he? How could he leave me all alone?

Jane had lost everyone, and now her husband. The one who mattered the most. Her husband. Her best friend. She sat on her knees, away from the chaos. Paul and Abrash knelt beside her. She couldn’t hear what they said to her. She sat in disbelief. Her peripheral vision and hearing looked and sounded muffled. She glanced down at her hands, covered in Elijah’s blood. Her hands still clung to an object. An object she had not let go of throughout the entire event. She slowly opened her palm, and there was the pregnancy tester, light blinking, indicating there was an answer. She braced and winced as she popped the hatch back to reveal the answer. Through a fog of tears, she stared at the device. A green light glowed back at her.

She was pregnant.